"Is that a hyperlink?"

I think it's a sign when you start dreaming about what you are stressing about. I'm half asleep and out of no where I say "Is that a hyperlink?" and the sad part is I remember in my dream looking at someone's house, which in the dream their house is their website and I'm admiring the site letting them know what i like and don't like and as the words come out full of excitement "Is that a hyperlink?" I wake up.. lol not my finest moment. Note to self thinking and stressing way too much about work need to do more work and less stressing. I always feel better when I'm being productive.

On the productive note, I'm happy to check one thing off of my task list starting a blog. I'm going to set a couple of guidelines, for every negative or sad or depressing rant I will need to counter with something positive during that day. It's like when you eat a carrot & a french fry together the carrot can tell your tummy don't worry he's with me!

Sounds like a good plan. I'm off easy today though :) it's been a good day. I hung out with some great ladies. We went to a great fashion show where there were many great ideas and creative people. It's inspiring and uplifting to see people out there doing what they love and who are putting themselves out there. I think it gives hope and inspiration that my dreams and ideas are only as far out of reach as I make them. I just need to do less talking and more doing! And I'm excited about the doing part.

It's been a tough couple of years, months, weeks. However this month is a turning point for me. There isn't one single event this month that makes that the case however there has been many micro events that have lead this point.

I've made a pack with myself and everyone knows it means more when you put it down in writing. I'm going to let my guard down, I'm going to trust more, I'm going to have faith and not think the worst. I over analyze especially when it's in my relationships. It's not intentionally but it's a auto-response for me to start questioning if the relationship is going "good", I prepare myself for the worst so I'm as not disappointed. I've done this for as long as I can remember and honestly now that I think of it, it still hurts probably just as bad or even worse if I had just took the time to enjoy instead of adverting my attention to disbelief.

I'm tired of it, it's too much energy and I want to break the pattern. Which is why I'm taking some time for myself to figure out these fundamental issues that will help me build a great solid foundation for my marriage and for my family when that day comes. I know I have good judgment and I need to trust in that. Chaos starts when I stray past what I know in my gut is wrong.

I'm all over the place today, it's my first blog so I almost feel like I need to start from the beginning before I start talking about today or right now which is silly that's the point of this. It's for me is to start now not from my past but to blog everything from today on and not dwell on past issues .

In the words that a great friend told me from a good book "If your hand has cancer then chop the bugger off before it spreads to the rest of your body."

On that note I'm going to sign off.